When Constable Cam Macdonald gets home from a rough day at work he has a supportive family of fellow first responders to debrief with, if needed. 

It’s something the 26-year-old particularly values after six years as a frontline officer, facing traumatic events and dealing with the unexpected toll they have taken on him.  

He considers himself lucky to have people who understand what he’s been through to talk to. His father and brother are firefighters, his sister works for Hato Hone St John, and his fiancee is a fellow police officer.

“I know there are other people who don’t have that luxury,” he says. “They might come home after an absolutely traumatic shift and their partner or parents are, like, ‘Why aren’t you doing the dishes, why aren’t you doing this or that’. The last thing they need is to be yelled at or be treated like there is nothing wrong. Even people with the thickest skins need help.”

With that motivation in mind, next month Cam will shoulder the literal burden of a 20kg pack on a 200km march to raise money for mental health support charity Te Kiwi Māia. 

He hasn’t accessed the organisation’s services himself but he knows others who have and he likes that it is run by former and current emergency services staff who know the lie of the land when it comes to post-traumatic stress and other work-related trauma.

As a young officer, Cam faced jobs that involved removing dead bodies from cars and seeing a person jump off a cliff. When bad things happen, it’s always confronting, says Cam. 

“Quite a bit goes on in my brain about these things. You can always imagine the worst possible thing, but actually seeing it is a whole different experience.”

New Lynn terror attack

In September 2021, just a year into his policing career, Cam was one of the first four frontline police responders to the scene of a brutal terrorist knife attack at a supermarket in New Lynn, Auckland. Eight people were injured by Ahamed Samsudeen, who was shot dead by STG officers just before Cam arrived at the store. 

“There were people lying on the ground being treated by the public. There was blood and mess everywhere. I was like, ‘Holy shit…’ I saw four injured people. We cleared the supermarket to make sure there were no other offenders or victims hiding.”
 

Then he was posted to stand guard over the dead terrorist. It was gruelling for many reasons. 

That morning, Cam had been at a four-hour standoff with an offender with a crossbow who was holed up in a house. Back at the station, he had just managed to grab a shortbread biscuit before the callout for the New Lynn job came in. 

That small treat was all the food he had that day. On top of the drama of the situation in the supermarket, he was incredibly hungry and thirsty, and, cruelly, he had to stand by the cold drinks’ cabinet for three hours, but unable to take a drink. 

“For a long time afterwards, I couldn’t go into a supermarket without unconsciously heading to where the knives were to check there was no-one suspicious around there, and then I could do my shopping.”

He says it took someone asking him, “What the f*** are you doing”, to realise how disordered his behaviour was. It was an undeniable response to trauma and Cam’s grateful he was able to access psychological help through Police welfare resources, and to have the ongoing family support. 

Start a conversation

“My hope for this charity walk is not just raising awareness about Te Kiwi Māia, but to get people to look at themselves and realise they may not actually be doing OK, and also to check on others… to start a conversation.”